


Dark Paradise

by j__writes



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Heavy Angst, M/M, no happy ending to be found here, seriously...don't expect this to end well or have any hope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 15:32:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7763311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j__writes/pseuds/j__writes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A mission gone wrong tears Magnus' world apart and leaves him broken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> Your heart will break, you have been warned.
> 
> So this was inspired by the song Dark Paradise by Lana Del Rey.
> 
> I heard this song and this story just festered inside of me until I could write it. I'm sorry in advance. like super sorry in advance for what I wrote.
> 
> I am posting this for Malec Week 2016  
> -Day 1- Family Day.  
> and this qualifies because Magnus spends time with the Lightwood Family.
> 
> any ol' hoo. here goes. and again, I'm sorry.

  
Magnus bolted upright from his bed, the sweat making the air feel cold against his damp skin. 

"Alexander?" His voice echoed back at him from the stillness all around him. He looked at his bedroom door expectantly, waiting for the tall form of his shadowhunter to cross the threshold.   


He saw Chairman padding across the floor.  
  
The reality of his situation hit him again; taking his breath away like it had so many times before. 

Alexander is gone.

He's not coming back.

He will never knock over another vase or trip in the darkness of the loft after a late night mission.   


Magnus gasped for breath, his cries coming out of him in rough waves. 

Why did he have to wake up? Why did he have to come back to this world without Alexander in it?  Why couldn't he stay asleep forever, where they were together in his dreams, living happily? Where he could feel his touch, smell his hair and feel his lips burn onto him.   
  
He looked at the clock on his nightstand. 

_ 6:06 AM _

Six months, 11 days, and 3 hours since his world had gone dark and cold. Since his very happiness was stolen away from him.    


The memories of that night flooded back to him. 

_ He had been asleep, he had been sleeping peacefully in this very bed while Alec took his last breath. He had been oblivious that his world was changing forever.  _

_ The shrill sound of his phone ringing, the vibration buzzing loudly on his nightstand woke him up. A call that would change his life forever. A phone call at three AM that would crumble his entire happiness. _

_ He had answered the phone, Izzy’s sobbing was on the other end, Jace was screaming in agony in the background. Magnus knew instantly that his world was gone forever. The phone had dropped to the ground as Magnus flew out of bed. He threw on a t-shirt and sweatpants. He portaled to the Institute. Everything was still and silent. The usual working Shadowhunters watched him as he ran past them to the infirmary.  _

_ He heard Jace’s screams and Izzy’s cries before he even opened the door. _

_ He looked at the bed and there he was. _

_ His Alec. His Alexander. Gray and pale. His beautiful hazel eyes partly open and empty.  Death had completely taken him, and Magnus had been asleep. _

Magnus rubbed at his face vigorously to try to wipe the image of Alec like that from his mind.   


“Alexander...I miss you so much.” He spoke quietly to himself.

He knew now that no one was listening. Alexander was lost to him. He had tried everything he could to get in touch with him again. Wherever he was now, wherever he had gone was out of his reach. 

He tried not to think about the unknown after death or the fact that Alexander was part Angel whereas he was part demon. 

When he finally died, would Alexander even be there waiting for him on the other side? Would they even be in the same place?   


He played their last moment together in his memory, on a loop. 

_ Alexander had leaned over the couch, his bow thrown over his shoulder, a smile on his face as he whispered ‘I love you’ into Magnus’ ear. Magnus had kissed him, a quick kiss they had done a hundred times over their two short years together. He had told him he loved him and to stay safe. Alexander had promised he would and that he would be home soon. And then he left, just  like he had so many nights before.  _

__ This was the only time he had broken his promise.  
  
Isabelle and Clary came over often to try and comfort him. The Lightwood family that had become like his own had mended their hearts. They were all still broken but they had been forced to carry on with their lives. They were Shadowhunters. 

_ “Magnus, you have to take care of yourself. This isn’t what he would want.” Isabelle said as tears trickled down her cheeks. She wrapped comforting arms around him.  _

_ Magnus shrugged her arms off of him. “We don’t know what Alec would want. We can’t know because he’s not here.” _

_ She flinched. His words had cut through her and he knew it.  _

_ He shouldn’t treat her like this. She had lost her brother, her friend, her confidant and Magnus knew she was hurting. He could tell in the way she carried herself. She was a little bit less now. Something about her was less now.  _

_ He closed his eyes and cried softly, his hands covering her face. “I’m sorry, Izzy.” _

_ He felt her arms around him once again and this time he returned the comfort, his tears falling into her hair. The pain from his loss tearing him apart inside. _

_ “It’s okay, Magnus, I understand.” _

_ They had held onto each other for what felt like hours.  _

_ She whispered softly against his head. “Please don’t shut me out, Magnus. You’re like a brother to me. I already lost one brother, I can’t lose another.” _

_ He nodded and she left.  _

He had agreed to keep in touch, to not shut himself off from the others, he had lied.

Their unexpected drop ins had gone unanswered. Their calls went unreturned. Just the occasional text to let them know that he was okay. 

_ Okay. Whatever that meant anymore. _

In reality, Magnus was just tired. He was so tired of comfort.

He was tired of everyone telling him he should move on, that he should focus on how happy they made each other.

But what did they know? How could they even pretend to understand his pain as they sat there with their loves. As their lives continued on while his had ended so suddenly.

Nothing would ever make this okay. Nothing, not even time, would take away this pain. This was a pain that he would carry with him forever, just like his love for Alexander would live on.  
  
The only comfort he had found recently, surprisingly, was with Jace. 

Alec’s brother, his closest friend, his parabatai, his other half.

He seemed to be the only one who refused to accept Alexander's death. 

_ Magnus would let him come over. He would open the door and find Jace standing there, his eyes empty, his face hollow and full of grief. Magnus would step aside and Jace would go into Alec's study and sit amongst his things.  _

_ Magnus would hear his cries coming through the walls and he knew this was what he needed, for he had lost a part of his soul. He had lost a part of himself and being here, where he had his notes, his books, his weapons, was like being with a part of Alec that still lived on. Magnus had left everything the way Alec had left it and Jace had respected that and did the same. _

_ He would stay for hours, his cries sounding out intermittently throughout the loft. And then he would leave. _

Magnus laid back in bed, Alexander's pillow beside him, his scent still lingering in the room. The room they had shared for two very happy years.

He closed his eyes, his face damp from his tears as he let sleep take him. Hopefully this time he could stay in his dreams with Alexander a little bit longer.  
  


_ I don’t want to wake up from this tonight. _

**Author's Note:**

> *hides forever*
> 
> Please don't hate me for long.


End file.
